


and I'll be okay Admiring from afar

by cerystrieswriting



Category: Murder Most Unladylike Series - Robin Stevens
Genre: BEEBODY!!!, Bi Kitty!!!!, F/F, Kinda?, Mutual Pining, Pining, Study Date, dyslexic beanie, im so soft for these two, kitty being supportive, mmu discord made me do it /hj
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-20
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-12 09:41:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28883331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cerystrieswriting/pseuds/cerystrieswriting
Summary: So Beanie stays quiet, and it's fine it really is… it's just, Kitty.
Relationships: Katherine "Kitty" Freebody/Rebecca "Beanie" Martineau
Comments: 7
Kudos: 11





	1. I'd never tell No, I'd never say a word

**Author's Note:**

> the titles are from She by Dodie

They're sat in the library when Beanie realises.

They'd been going through a physics past paper and it was alright, the multiple choice is easy but Beanie gets to the actual questions and the first one is worded strange because it’s physics and physics is just Like That, but Beanie doesn’t understand what it’s asking so she nudges Kitty for help and she leans over their arms brushing sending electric sparks through Beanie’s body and Kitty doesn't seem to notice how Beanie is completely tensed up, as she reads out the question carefully explaining what it means because it’s Kitty and she doesn’t care that she has to repeat things for Beanie. Beanie answers the question again and she gets it right then Kitty is squeezing her hand and whispering that she’s ‘so proud’ and Beanie's heart skips a beat and well...

Beanie’s not that surprised, really. It's not like it's new information to her, it's just that it’s Kitty and Kitty even for all her kind words and gentle touches she'll never be like Beanie, or Daisy, or even Hazel.

So Beanie stays quiet, and it's fine it really is… it's just, Kitty.

It happens again, the next time they’re quizzing each other with flashcards Kitty made, sprawled out on her bed . Beanie seems to be on a winning streak, she manages to get three in a row correct without any prompting, Kitty gives out a shout of excitement flinging her arms around Beanie, drawing her close and Beanie can feel herself blushing something furious, muttering about how Kitty ‘doesn't need to be so dramatic'. But her own voice sounds so far away because all she can think about is how she actually Gets This and she's so happy and every other thought is full of Kitty and how Beanie thinks her heart is about to give out because she's just so intoxicating.

And she tells herself she's okay with it, with this. Wanting and not having.

Exams are coming up, which means studying with Kitty more frequently. Kitty suggests it every time and Beanie can't bring herself ever to say no. When their fingers brush beanie feels like she's burning up, every supportive smile or encouraging word sends her head spinning and Beanie thinks she's going to die.

But she'll be alright like this, that's what she promises herself. Because its Kitty and Kitty likes fluffy haired boys who will adore her and follow her around like a puppy. It's important Beanie reminds herself of this because kitty doesn't like girls, doesn't like Beanie, not in the way Beanie likes Kitty.

And Beanie doesn't mind it. Really.


	2. And she means everything to me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kittys pov !!

It takes Kitty longer to realise than it should, at least that's what she thinks when it finally hits her. 

Only it doesn’t hit her not like it usually does, it's more of a slow dawning, like watching the sunrise, warm, comforting, then everything is covered in light and it just, it makes sense. 

The thing is Kitty likes boys, likes their bright eyes and shy smiles, likes holding their hands and dancing close enough that if an adult were to see they would tut disapprovingly but remember with a strange wistfulness a time in their youth where they were just the same. But then there is Beanie..

She's suddenly reminded of a poem hastily scribbled in the back of an old textbook, she’d found it when she was merely a shrimp and while she didn’t understand why it made her blush then maybe she does now. 

If asked, Kitty will tell you she's been in love at least a hundred times, which everyone knows isn’t strictly true, nobody could fall in love that easily, not even Kathrine Freebody the hopeless romantic who can’t seem to choose a boy though they all fawn over her. 

It isn't till they receive their exam results at the end of their final year at school that Kitty realises that she’s only ever been in love once.  
Because there is Beanie, Her Beanie and she looks so happy because she's passed everything and Kitty is just _so_ proud of her and also glad she kept up with their study dates even though it made her question everything.  
Beanie’s smart, she's always been smart, but finally she seems to be seeing in herself what Kitty has always known and she watches as Beanie's face lights up. It looks like a painting and Kitty thinks to herself that she wishes she could frame this moment...

And there is the sun finally after this long dawn, because it's Beanie, it's always been Beanie.

And now Beanie is looking at her grinning and Kitty feels herself grinning back because its just so infectious and

Oh this is what it’s supposed to feel like.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the poem   
> https://gallixie.tumblr.com/post/177438466337/i-want-to-change-the-pronouns-its-not-that-i   
> :)


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